Outted

I need to introduce you to another character in our lives, Tad. He's a single guy, about the same age as us. We ran into him at a show once; he was introduced as a friend of a friend. We asked if he was going to a show the following week in the nearest city and invited him to ride with us; now he has been traveling with us for the last five years or so. Funny that I never mentioned him before!

We were all camping together about a year ago. Tad was outside building a fire, Ben & I were inside the camper making spaghetti. I playfully patted Ben's butt, which makes him crazy. But since I was feeling bratty, it wasn't really hard enough for me, so I hauled back and really whacked him a good one. Fury flashed in his eyes as he grabbed me by both arms and steamrolled me through the little hallway to the bed, where he flipped me over and started laying into my butt hard. I was screaming, "No Ben, NOOO!" the whole time, but laughing along the way.

We finished up and went outside to set the table for dinner. No Tad! He had completely disappeared. We served the food, but he didn't come back. He wasn't in his tent, he wasn't on the beach, he wasn't anywhere. Probably an hour later he comes strolling through the campground. We asked where he went and if he wanted dinner, but he wouldn't really answer. We had a campfire, Ben and I snuggled together, but Tad was uncommunicative all night.

In bed later, we tried to figure out what had happened to him. Finally the lightbulb came on. I told Ben that he must of heard us and thought I was really in trouble. Both of us were disturbed that we might have upset him.

The next morning, Ben took him aside and told him that we were just playing, and don't worry Carly likes it. Well, that did me in.

At every opportunity, Tad brings up sly references to spanking. The latest one was this weekend. Traveling in a friend's van, Ben and the driver were talking about someone's hair that looked like that guy on the old tv show about the kids, what was it? Ben said, "You mean Alfalfa." Tad turned to me, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "Hey, what was the fat kid's name?" I hesitated just a second, sensing a set up, before answering, "Spanky." He doubled over in peals of laughter, "Yeah, Spanky!"

I'm never going to hear the end of it.